Weddings · 7 minute read
Don’t Be That Wedding Guest: 9 Simple Ways to Make the Day Better
I’ve worked a lot of weddings, and the best guests all do the same few things. They show up on time, stay present and help the couple enjoy the day they worked so hard to plan.
A quick note before we get started
I’ve been doing weddings for more than 20 years, and I can tell you something with complete confidence. Guests have a bigger effect on the day than they realize.
Most wedding guests are great. They show up, cheer loudly, eat the cake and get on the dance floor. Then there are the few who arrive during the processional, step into the photographer’s aisle, ignore dinner instructions and spend the night reviewing every choice like they were hired by Yelp.
Nobody needs you to be a perfect guest. Just do the couple a favor and don’t be that wedding guest.
Arrive before the ceremony starts
If the invitation says the ceremony begins at 4:00, pulling into the parking lot at 4:00 is late. That is not me being picky. That is how clocks work.
Give yourself enough time to park, find the ceremony space, say a quick hello and be in your seat before the music starts. I would aim for at least 15 minutes early. The couple should not hear a door open or watch somebody tiptoe down the aisle while they are exchanging vows.
Traffic happens. Wrong turns happen. Build in a little room for both.
Let the photographer work
Put the phone down. Stay out of the aisle. They have the shot covered.
The couple hired a professional photographer to capture the moments they cannot recreate. Your phone picture is probably not worth blocking the photographer’s view or becoming a permanent part of the couple’s professional ceremony photos.
Take pictures when it makes sense, but pay attention to where the photographer is working. During the processional, vows, first kiss and other major moments, let the professional get the photo everyone actually wants.
When dinner is called, find your seat
When the DJ or planner asks everyone to find their seats for dinner, that is not a suggestion to finish a 20 minute conversation on the patio.
The catering team, photographer, planner and DJ are all working from the same timeline. We may need everyone seated for a welcome, blessing, toast or table release. A room full of guests moving in the same direction keeps dinner from taking twice as long as it should.
Finish the sentence, grab your drink and find your name at the table.
Wait until your table is released
The buffet is not a doorbuster sale.
If tables are being released one at a time, there is a reason. It keeps the line manageable, helps the catering team keep food stocked and lets guests move through without standing shoulder to shoulder for 30 minutes.
Your table will be called. I promise we are not going to forget you. Stay seated, visit with the people around you and enjoy the fact that someone else is making dinner.
Give speeches your attention
Somebody holding that microphone may have spent weeks writing the toast and even longer worrying about giving it. Give them a few minutes of your attention.
Put the phone away, pause the table conversation and listen. Even if a speech runs a little longer than expected, this is not the moment to start a full volume conversation with the person across from you. The people speaking can hear you, and so can every table nearby.
Laugh when it is funny. Clap when it ends. Let the couple enjoy the people they chose to include in that moment.
When the DJ asks, participate
When I ask everyone to cheer, gather for a photo, move toward the dance floor or give the couple some energy, there is a reason.
The room takes its cues from the people in it. If everybody waits for somebody else to start, nothing starts. You do not have to become the center of attention. Just clap, cheer, stand up or join in when the moment calls for it.
A little participation from a lot of people can completely change the energy of a reception.
Get on the dance floor
The couple invited you because they want to celebrate with you, not because they needed an audience sitting around the edge of the room.
You do not have to be a great dancer. I have been doing this a long time, and dance ability has never been an entrance requirement. Move around, sing along, laugh at yourself and be part of the memory.
A full dance floor is not created by one perfect song. It is created by guests deciding they are ready to have fun together.
Let the music change genres
Every song at a wedding is not going to be your favorite, because the wedding was not planned for one person’s Spotify account.
There may be kids, grandparents, college friends, coworkers and several branches of two families in the same room. A good wedding DJ is watching the whole crowd and moving between generations, styles and energy levels. Sometimes the song that brings one group to the floor is not the one that keeps you there.
Give it a song or two. The music will change again. You might even discover that the song you claimed not to like knows exactly how to make you dance.
Celebrate. Do not critique.
A wedding is not a group project, and you are not the grader.
You do not need to review the food, decorations, timeline, music, seating chart or somebody else’s outfit while the reception is happening. You also do not need to explain how your wedding did it differently or why your idea would have been better.
If the couple is happy, celebrate them. That is the assignment.
What couples remember about their guests
The best wedding guests are not necessarily the loudest people in the room. They are on time, present, flexible and ready to celebrate. They understand that the day does not need their critique. It needs their support.
If you were invited, the couple decided you matter to them. Show them they were right.
That is how you help create a wedding people remember for the right reasons. It is all about the experience.
