A Toast, Not a TED Talk: How to Plan Your Wedding Speeches

Give your wedding toasts a little direction

Wedding toasts can be some of the best moments of the reception. A parent gets emotional. A best friend tells a story that actually makes everyone laugh. The couple hears something they will remember long after the last song.

Then there is the speech that starts with, “For those of you who don’t know me,” and ends somewhere around the following Tuesday.

You do not need to script every word your friends and family say. You do need to give them a little direction. Choosing your speakers, setting a time target and putting the speeches in the right place can make a big difference.

How long should a wedding toast be?

My suggestion is two to three minutes per person. That is a planning target, not a stopwatch rule. It gives someone enough room for a good story, a heartfelt message and a toast without turning the reception into a speaking engagement.

Tell your speakers before they write their speeches. Telling your best man to cut eight minutes five minutes before he gets the microphone is not setting him up for success.

Ask them to practice out loud with a timer. Reading something silently on a phone feels a lot faster than saying it into a microphone with pauses, laughter and a few happy tears.

Choose your speakers before the wedding

Decide together who you actually want to hear from. Parents, siblings, your maid of honor, your best man or another person who matters to you can all be great choices. There is no requirement to fill every traditional speaking role.

You also do not have to open the microphone to the entire room. An open invitation makes it harder to plan the length and can put people on the spot.

Give your DJ and planner the approved names and speaking order. Include pronunciations if needed, and let us know whether anyone is speaking together. A surprise message should be coordinated with the team ahead of time, even if it is still a surprise for the couple.

One good story is enough

A simple structure helps someone who does not know where to start. Briefly explain how you know the couple, share one story, say what you love about them and invite everyone to raise a glass.

The best story is one the room can follow. If it takes five minutes to explain the inside joke, choose another one.

And please leave the exes, embarrassing secrets and stories the couple would rather forget out of it. Funny is great. Making the newlyweds wish the microphone would stop working is a different thing.

Nobody needs the entire college years.

Count the total time, not just each speech

Four people speaking for three minutes each is already twelve minutes. That is before introductions, applause and passing the microphone.

When you build the timeline, give the whole toast block enough room. If someone says they only need a minute, it is still worth confirming what they have planned.

If you have more people who want to say something than you want to include at the reception, consider inviting a few to speak at the rehearsal dinner or share a private message instead. Those words still matter even when they are not delivered to every wedding guest.

When should wedding toasts happen?

There is no single order that fits every wedding. A good starting point is a planned block near the end of dinner, while guests are seated and before open dancing begins.

Work with your planner, caterer and DJ on the exact timing. You do not want the best part of a speech competing with a buffet announcement, a line of hungry guests or a room full of plates being cleared.

Make sure your photographer and videographer know when toasts are happening, too. If their coverage ends earlier in the evening, that matters.

My preference is to give the speeches their moment, then let the party happen. Once everyone is dancing, calling them back to their seats for a forgotten toast can interrupt the energy you just built.

Help your speakers feel comfortable with the microphone

Even someone who talks all day for a living can feel nervous giving a wedding toast. A quick microphone check and a little direction can help.

Have speakers check in with the DJ before their turn. We can show them where to stand and how to hold the microphone so the room can hear them.

Keep the microphone near your mouth, including when you turn toward the couple. Speak clearly and give people a second to laugh or react. If you are reading from your phone, have the speech open and the battery charged before your name is called.

Guests should be listening to the story, not whispering, “What did they say?”

What to send your DJ and planner

Before the wedding, share these details so everyone is working from the same plan:

• The names and pronunciations of everyone giving a toast.
• The speaking order and whether anyone is sharing a speech.
• The expected length of each speech.
• The planned time for toasts and any photography or video coverage limits.
• Any prerecorded messages, slideshows or other audio that need to be checked in advance.

Make the words count

A good wedding toast does not need to be a performance. It needs to feel personal, be easy to hear and have enough room in the evening to be enjoyed.

At Brock Entertainment, we help couples across Northwest Arkansas and the surrounding area plan the music, announcements and transitions that connect the reception. Toasts are part of that experience.

If you are planning your wedding, send us your date, venue and what you have in mind. We can help you put together a reception that feels like you.

It is all about the experience.